I’ve never been a Mommy to a two year old before, so I certainly understand that I don’t have all the answers when it comes to parenting. One thing I am very grateful for is a husband who is a team member with me. We don’t always agree on everything, but we’re always able to support each other, discuss our differences, and come up with what we feel is best for Ian and for our family.
One thing both of us have learned during these two years is that nothing can be hard and fast when it comes to raising a child. Ian is an independent, strong willed, amazing little person. There are certain things we don’t falter on, like Ian’s safety, that there will be no hitting each other or trying to rip out the dog’s legs, but there are many, many things we’ve learned to be flexible about.
Last week we had a wonderful service at church, the Hanging of the Greens. It was fun to be there to celebrate with our congregation, other Mennonite congregations from the Denver metro, and many other guests. By the time we were ready to leave it was around nine o’clock, well passed a certain someone’s bedtime. He was sitting in the Nursery, being rocked by his favorite caretaker there. He was holding a choo-choo in his hands, and instead of making him put it back, I chose to let him take it home. That was a battle I was not going to fight. Yes Ian needs to learn that he can’t have everything he wants, and that you can’t take things that aren’t yours, but not when he’s two years old and exhausted. We took it back to church this past Sunday and picked one other toy we could borrow.
On the way home that night, John said it has taken him awhile to figure out that he has to choose his battles. I think it’s a lesson all parents need to learn. I think one of the most important things is to remain consistent, which is easier said then done.
We shared a meal with a family from church one Sunday several years ago. They had, at the time, a two year old boy. He didn’t want to sit in his highchair at the table and was throwing a fit. Instead of giving in to his screaming his Dad took him aside and talked to him until he calmed down. They came back to the table and he sat and ate in the highchair with no further issues. I remember the Father saying, “if it isn’t ok at home it isn’t ok here.” It was disruptive at the time, but looking back I think they made the best choice for their son. Remaining consistent was the most important thing in the situation, not making everyone comfortable, not allowing him to do whatever he wanted just because they weren’t at home, and most importantly remaining calm.
We are pretty lucky because Ian is a good little boy, who is mostly nice and mostly well behaved. Sometimes he gets a little overexcited about something and starts to get a little wild, but if we remain calm and get him to calm down I think we’ll be serving him well. We will hopefully be able to teach him how to regulate his emotions and how to react calmly to situations. Only time will tell.
One of the most important things my Dad taught me was to pay attention. Whether that was a hawk flying beside the road, even if that meant having to swerve at the last minute to avoid a tree or another car. Or remembering what cards were already played in euchre, even that one great game during the campout in 2005. But most importantly to pay attention to each other . Remembering people's names, a joke they thought was funny, or something important to them - and hearing it all. In our family, John, Ian and I, spend time at dinner talking about our favorite part of the day, then with intention we listen with our ears and eyes while the other person is sharing. It has become something Ian will ask randomly "Mommy what's your part today?" When we ask him he usually says, "Um probably eating dinner to you." My Dad's presence is extended into special parts of our lives. I'm blessed to have learned that lesson long before he died. My hope is that Ian will feel my Dad's love through my actions as a parent, since I have a very special, loving Father who taught me to pay attention by giving me his.
